July 2025

250 years (and two months) removed from the last mission to Mars decendents of the original Timber Trio returned to planet to reestablish their ancestor’s crumbling civilization. The legendary inventor Carmichael Walnut IV, the electrician and power baron Archibald Larch III, and Cornelius Dogwood IX the gardener set out together to again claim Mars for human kind. Did they learn the lessons of their ancestors? No not really. But they did have a grand ol’ time.

Walnut’s early invention of the waterless water-splitting put her in a solid early position for improving the martian atmosphere. Notably absent from this settlement was Walnut’s deca-great-grandfather’s obsession with collecting earthly insects in the corporate office. Instead, they collected cats and dogs for the local populace that greatly improved the morale of the settlement. Dogwood’s expansive forests provided the necessary oxygen and habitat for a plethora of species of now-martian wild animals. He also oversaw the introduction of non-native bacteria and lichen which will make it impossible for scientists to understand early martian history. “Thanks a lot you jerk” one martian scientist was overheard saying while eating a martian mushroom sandwich. But it was Larch’s expansive exploitation of the communal martian electrical grid that saw her to the most-favoured status of the global government. THORGATE (or whatever) was unstoppable. And so, after 13 generations and about 3 hours, the martian surface was habitable.

The work was aided by a constant delivery of a bright brew from De Mello (thanks to Nathanial Birch for the recommendation).